You know those meds work when…

I forgot to take my medication Friday night and it showed the next two days. All day Saturday I felt the physical effects the med literature lists as “side effects” of missing a dose. I was lightheaded, had a splitting headache, and felt queasy. I thought I was getting sick until I realized the cause. But the physical effects were just a part of it. I was mean and grumpy for two days. Luckily I spent Saturday working outside getting everything ready for winter so nobody else was really affected. The headache and lightheaded feelings were on Sunday but I was still grumpy most of the day. I put on a phony smile when people said hello at church and just listened instead of participating.

Sometimes I question how much the medication is helping me and wonder if it’s a waste. My wife says she has seen a big change but my response is that the change is because of everything I’ve been doing since asking for help. But this episode points out that the medication must be helping if my mood changes so drastically by missing one dose.

I want to get off the medication eventually. It’s not a big deal to take it, but I’d rather not depend on it. Part of me expects to “be fixed and normal” as a result of the meds and therapy so someday I won’t have to take a pill every night and do all this mental analysis stuff. That’s my goal. We’ll see if it works that way. I know that it isn’t realistic everyone – nor is it their fault.