Vacation is Over - Back to Reality

I just had time off work as the summer winds down. It was nice to be in vacation mode and visit with extended family. The growing feeling of content that I didn't have to go to work is a little disconcerting. The only time I woke to an alarm was on Sunday to get ready for church. The rest of the week was very casual, just planning what to do during the morning. No structure. No deadlines. No commitments. A big part of my depression was feeling like few things had any importance or meaning. Work was pointless since I had no obvious positive effect on the community or anyone else; I just showed up and did what I needed to get through the day. Where I worked really contributed to this because deadlines were really just guidelines and nobody was ever accountable for anything. It became an enabler as I suffered more and more with depression.

The Church teaches that industry is good - meaning supporting your family and practicing a strong work ethic. The Tabernacle at Temple Square podium has a beehive prominently carved on the front to symbolize the industry we should be engaged in: busy bees are happy bees. I haven't always felt that work was pointless. I wanted to do the best that I could. I wanted to make my workplace better, both in terms of productivity but also the work environment and relationships.

President Brigham Young provided numerous examples of work and personal industry:

“They who secure eternal life are doers of the word as well as hearers.”

“Every minute of every day of our lives we should strive to improve our minds and to increase the faith of the holy Gospel, in charity, patience, and good works, that we may grow in the knowledge of the truth as it is spoken and prophesied of and written about.”

“It is our duty to be active and diligent in doing everything we can to sustain ourselves, to build up His Kingdom... and to sanctify and prepare ourselves to dwell in His presence.”

(Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, Chapter 31: “Thrift, Industry, and Self-Reliance,” 225.)

There were so many days that I wanted to stay in bed and not go to work; I just couldn't take it. That is a common symptom of severe depression. One thing made me go to work: the gospel principle of industry. As bleak as I felt and regardless of how unproductive I was, I believed in going to work. It also helped me rationalize that I wasn't broken since I didn't give up and stay in bed. I didn't know why I was so depressed but since I could force myself to go to work I felt like I would be able to "get through it." (I'll have to write on how I fooled myself later because it hurt me more than it helped.)

That's a bit of the history - now I'm back to work (a new job, btw) and the structure is much better for me. As much as I was enjoying the vacation, I could feel that slipping feeling gravitate toward depression. It was refreshing going back to work. President Heber J. Grant said “The aim of the Church is to help the people to help themselves. Work is to be re-enthroned as the ruling principle of the lives of our Church membership.” (Conference Report, Oct. 1936, 3.)