Do you know what triggers your depression? What pushes your buttons? Knowing it is half the battle. To me, the bigger half is being able to cope with it.
If I'm being honest, one of the things that affects me is how people treat me. Not just anyone, but only certain people. Whether that person is talking about my calling in church, my job or how I coach a team. I can have someone say "You're doing a terrible job at this" and it doesn't affect me at all. But when someone I think knows enough about the subject at hand criticizes me, it spins me down.
What's worse for me is that my depression often is displayed by anger. I feel like I have to fight to get out of the dark. Not physically harm anyone but try to out-debate or verbally get even with the other person. That goes against the Gospel in every way, which is why it's the harder part for me. I don't want to sin. I want to live righteously and have the blessings of my Father in Heaven. So why is my first reaction the spirit of contention?
There may not be an answer to the question but the solution is to be aware of it and then deal with it. It's easier to deal with it when you know what caused it. I have to remind myself "That parent is upset because their child didn't play his normal position on the team" or "Sister So-and-so is upset because she only knows one side of the story and I can't tell her the other side because it will break a confidence." My wonderful wife taught me that I have to replace my anger with charity for the person. I can usually explain calmly and resolve any difference I have, but even when that doesn't happen, charity has to replace anger. Regardless of the circumstances or who's right, the anger only hurts the person feeling it. Charity is the pure love of Christ. He is our model. He never said "You get to be angry and hold a grudge." He said to love your enemies and pray for them. That helps me get rid of the dark feelings I have for others and myself.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Get A New Mirror
Human beings tend to believe that the world thinks the same way they do. Part of how we perceive ourselves is tied to that. We view ourselves one way and believe everyone else views us the same way. Unfortunately, that makes depression harder to deal with for us.
I often felt like nobody noticed my accomplishments. I usually got noticed for my lack of accomplishments though. At work, at home, at church. That’s how I perceived it, anyway. It added to my feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. Depression naturally makes you withdraw from social settings, from family, even from things you enjoy. You often feel like just being left alone. I don’t know how many times I thought I could feel better about work after a month of. Or, how much I needed my family to go on vacation without me. How much easier it would be to stay home from church. I felt totally misunderstood. Especially with myself. Why did I have nothing to say? Why did I avoid people? Why did I act disinterested in conversations so people would leave me along? On my first meeting with a therapist he concluded that I needed stronger relationships and social ties. It was kind of baffling to me: “Why do I need this?” When I told my wife she exclaimed “That’s what I’ve been telling you!”
If you have depression, you can’t talk yourself out of it. There is no button to push to turn it off. Confide in your spouse, a sibling, a parent, a best friend. Confide in someone you trust and have constant interaction with. Confide in more than one person if you can. Sure, you can confide in your Bishop, but unless you see him every day – or at least every other day – your contact won’t be as helpful. I’m not saying not to confide in your Bishop, just don’t make him your sole support.
Your confidant will be your new mirror. They will tell you how good you really are. They will be able to tell when you need a conversation. He or she has to be someone who will see the changes every day. Someone to help you keep the ball rolling.
Remember that you are a child of God: made in His image and loved dearly. He didn’t make you defective. We can’t see ourselves the way God does but others can reinforce how much we are loved.
I often felt like nobody noticed my accomplishments. I usually got noticed for my lack of accomplishments though. At work, at home, at church. That’s how I perceived it, anyway. It added to my feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. Depression naturally makes you withdraw from social settings, from family, even from things you enjoy. You often feel like just being left alone. I don’t know how many times I thought I could feel better about work after a month of. Or, how much I needed my family to go on vacation without me. How much easier it would be to stay home from church. I felt totally misunderstood. Especially with myself. Why did I have nothing to say? Why did I avoid people? Why did I act disinterested in conversations so people would leave me along? On my first meeting with a therapist he concluded that I needed stronger relationships and social ties. It was kind of baffling to me: “Why do I need this?” When I told my wife she exclaimed “That’s what I’ve been telling you!”
If you have depression, you can’t talk yourself out of it. There is no button to push to turn it off. Confide in your spouse, a sibling, a parent, a best friend. Confide in someone you trust and have constant interaction with. Confide in more than one person if you can. Sure, you can confide in your Bishop, but unless you see him every day – or at least every other day – your contact won’t be as helpful. I’m not saying not to confide in your Bishop, just don’t make him your sole support.
Your confidant will be your new mirror. They will tell you how good you really are. They will be able to tell when you need a conversation. He or she has to be someone who will see the changes every day. Someone to help you keep the ball rolling.
Remember that you are a child of God: made in His image and loved dearly. He didn’t make you defective. We can’t see ourselves the way God does but others can reinforce how much we are loved.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Make a List
When someone has severe depression, he or she loses interest in activities they enjoy. They also have no desire to do many things that need to be done. They withdraw from family and friends because they want to be alone. I went through periods experiencing all of these tendencies; sometimes individually and sometimes – the darkest times – combined together.
One way to help overcome the lack of interest is to make a to-do list for the day. This isn’t a long term plan or a list of everything you expect to get done within the next twelve months. If you felt like I did and someone recommended making such a list you wouldn’t do it anyway. The key is to be practical for your current feelings and condition. Note that this isn’t just a list of work that needs to be done: include something you enjoyed normally. You remember your hobbies or interests so the list will help you experience a little fun.
If you’re bad off and have a combination of the above tendencies, you should have two things on your to-do list. It could be “call a friend or relative” and “wash a load of laundry.” If you’re “really blah” you could have four or five tasks. You be the judge, but don’t let your decision to be a blank list. At the same time, don’t fool yourself that a dozen tasks is better because if you only do two of the twelve, you will get discouraged and/or anxious about the tasks left undone.
Why make a list? The list helps you regain control. You may have two tasks a day for a week but next week it goes up to three and then four. You’re making progress. The list helps you motivate yourself to do something and get out of the shroud of darkness. You may not want to call your parents but you’ll be glad you did when you’re finished.
On Sundays, make sure one of your tasks is go to church. It’s easy to stay home and avoid everyone. You may sit through the entire block of meetings and wish you were in bed. I know the argument that doing things begrudgingly is as bad as not doing them but my opinion is that the Lord will mercifully not count it against you because of your emotional state. Go to church so the Lord can bless you. Go to feel the Spirit – even if is a teaspoon full when you’re used to a gallon. Listen to the speakers, teachers and hymns. Count your blessings. I often felt like I had 15 blessings and everyone else had 500. In the end, I was glad to know at least I had 15 and I was keeping the commandments.
I was also glad just to do two tasks sometimes. If I did it, so can you.
One way to help overcome the lack of interest is to make a to-do list for the day. This isn’t a long term plan or a list of everything you expect to get done within the next twelve months. If you felt like I did and someone recommended making such a list you wouldn’t do it anyway. The key is to be practical for your current feelings and condition. Note that this isn’t just a list of work that needs to be done: include something you enjoyed normally. You remember your hobbies or interests so the list will help you experience a little fun.
If you’re bad off and have a combination of the above tendencies, you should have two things on your to-do list. It could be “call a friend or relative” and “wash a load of laundry.” If you’re “really blah” you could have four or five tasks. You be the judge, but don’t let your decision to be a blank list. At the same time, don’t fool yourself that a dozen tasks is better because if you only do two of the twelve, you will get discouraged and/or anxious about the tasks left undone.
Why make a list? The list helps you regain control. You may have two tasks a day for a week but next week it goes up to three and then four. You’re making progress. The list helps you motivate yourself to do something and get out of the shroud of darkness. You may not want to call your parents but you’ll be glad you did when you’re finished.
On Sundays, make sure one of your tasks is go to church. It’s easy to stay home and avoid everyone. You may sit through the entire block of meetings and wish you were in bed. I know the argument that doing things begrudgingly is as bad as not doing them but my opinion is that the Lord will mercifully not count it against you because of your emotional state. Go to church so the Lord can bless you. Go to feel the Spirit – even if is a teaspoon full when you’re used to a gallon. Listen to the speakers, teachers and hymns. Count your blessings. I often felt like I had 15 blessings and everyone else had 500. In the end, I was glad to know at least I had 15 and I was keeping the commandments.
I was also glad just to do two tasks sometimes. If I did it, so can you.
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