What Sets You Off?

Do you know what triggers your depression? What pushes your buttons? Knowing it is half the battle. To me, the bigger half is being able to cope with it.

If I'm being honest, one of the things that affects me is how people treat me. Not just anyone, but only certain people. Whether that person is talking about my calling in church, my job or how I coach a team. I can have someone say "You're doing a terrible job at this" and it doesn't affect me at all. But when someone I think knows enough about the subject at hand criticizes me, it spins me down.

What's worse for me is that my depression often is displayed by anger. I feel like I have to fight to get out of the dark. Not physically harm anyone but try to out-debate or verbally get even with the other person. That goes against the Gospel in every way, which is why it's the harder part for me. I don't want to sin. I want to live righteously and have the blessings of my Father in Heaven. So why is my first reaction the spirit of contention?

There may not be an answer to the question but the solution is to be aware of it and then deal with it. It's easier to deal with it when you know what caused it. I have to remind myself "That parent is upset because their child didn't play his normal position on the team" or "Sister So-and-so is upset because she only knows one side of the story and I can't tell her the other side because it will break a confidence." My wonderful wife taught me that I have to replace my anger with charity for the person. I can usually explain calmly and resolve any difference I have, but even when that doesn't happen, charity has to replace anger. Regardless of the circumstances or who's right, the anger only hurts the person feeling it. Charity is the pure love of Christ. He is our model. He never said "You get to be angry and hold a grudge." He said to love your enemies and pray for them. That helps me get rid of the dark feelings I have for others and myself.