Human beings tend to believe that the world thinks the same way they do. Part of how we perceive ourselves is tied to that. We view ourselves one way and believe everyone else views us the same way. Unfortunately, that makes depression harder to deal with for us.
I often felt like nobody noticed my accomplishments. I usually got noticed for my lack of accomplishments though. At work, at home, at church. That’s how I perceived it, anyway. It added to my feelings of hopelessness and uselessness. Depression naturally makes you withdraw from social settings, from family, even from things you enjoy. You often feel like just being left alone. I don’t know how many times I thought I could feel better about work after a month of. Or, how much I needed my family to go on vacation without me. How much easier it would be to stay home from church. I felt totally misunderstood. Especially with myself. Why did I have nothing to say? Why did I avoid people? Why did I act disinterested in conversations so people would leave me along? On my first meeting with a therapist he concluded that I needed stronger relationships and social ties. It was kind of baffling to me: “Why do I need this?” When I told my wife she exclaimed “That’s what I’ve been telling you!”
If you have depression, you can’t talk yourself out of it. There is no button to push to turn it off. Confide in your spouse, a sibling, a parent, a best friend. Confide in someone you trust and have constant interaction with. Confide in more than one person if you can. Sure, you can confide in your Bishop, but unless you see him every day – or at least every other day – your contact won’t be as helpful. I’m not saying not to confide in your Bishop, just don’t make him your sole support.
Your confidant will be your new mirror. They will tell you how good you really are. They will be able to tell when you need a conversation. He or she has to be someone who will see the changes every day. Someone to help you keep the ball rolling.
Remember that you are a child of God: made in His image and loved dearly. He didn’t make you defective. We can’t see ourselves the way God does but others can reinforce how much we are loved.
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4 comments:
Have you gone through cognitive therapy or read the book? It might really help.
Wish you well.
I don't know that the therapy I went through was "cognitive therapy" or if it had some other classification. I never thought to ask.
And no, I haven't read the book but searching Amazon comes up with a long list - most of them look like textbooks or references for therapists. Do you have one you would recommend?
Thank you for making the effort to help others by exposing your own very personal trials. I've been suffering with depression for quite a while but it's never reached the black depths I'm experiencing lately. My husband and children are at church without me right now because I can't handle the responsibilities I have there. I want to disappear. The fight is too hard. The thought of never being able to recover from this or never being understood is overwhelming. I've exposed my depression to my husband and he reassures me he loves me anyway but the love others offer doesn't go very far when you can't even like yourself. I'm taking an herbal remedy that's supposed to start working in 4-5 weeks. I'm in week 3 of taking it (St. John's Wort and something else). I hate feeling like I have this mental weakness and am ashamed to be me. Besides my husband, there's no one else I'm comfortable talking to. I'm on-line now looking for LDS support and have read all your blogs. If nothing else, you can know that someone else knows what you've been through and understands how hard it has been. I just wish I had some relief or someplace I felt safe turning. Thanks.
Sarah: Thank you for your kind words. I have lived with the same feelings, particularly wanting to disappear and not being understood. That seems to be a common feeling depression places on us.
I don't know what's best for you but my experience showed that not seeking help soon enough only hurt me when I thought I would be able to "get over it." Talk with your husband about who or where you can get help. If anything, you need someone else to confide in and support you. Your husband will be able to help you decide what to do. He loves you, so trust him!
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